Sum Ergo Sum

Tag Archives: guru

Trying To Be Is Not An Option

Everytime you put effort into “trying” to be something, you are already being it. There is no such thing as “trying to be present”, because either you are present or you’re not. If you are present, then what’s the problem. If you are not present, what’s the problem? Precense is Existence and that which exists is always present. It may not be percived by someone or something else, but that doesn’t mean it is non-existent. The tree deep in the forest doesn’t vanish as soon as it isn’t seen or felt by some “other”. If it “is” then it “exists” and so do you. It takes no effort. The deed is already done and there is nothing you can or need to do trying to change that.

A common task on spiritual to-do’s is to “practice the capacity to stay present in the moment”. What a red herring that is! How could you ever be out of the present moment to begin with? The practice suggests that you are in fact floatin in and out of time and space. Sometimes being “here”, sometimes being “elsewhere”. When we say that the mind wanders, where the heck does it wander off to? Does it go to the local pub for a pint of Guinness or what? Isn’t it more likely that your mind always is in it’s right place? The thoughts that arise as a result of your mind doing what minds do, now that’s  a different beast altogether.
We never say that “the current content/thoughts that, without someone controling them, arise in your mind is sometimes in line with what is happening around them, sometimes they’re not“.
Instead we build the misconception that the mind wanders as a concequence of the “minder” being inadequate in controling the mind. So the solution to this propoused problem is generally that the inadequate minder corrects that by doing mind-practice, like meditation.

By this practice we hope to become more “present in the moment” and “mindful”. A lot of things can come out of this. It is not bad or useless in any way. It is what it is and that’s it. The point I’m trying to make is not to discard meditation. Not at all. All I’m saying is that you don’t need to train yourself in any particular way in order to gain anything in particular. It might happen so that you are practicing meditation. Well, then you are being “meditation”, together with the cushion, the incense, the guru and/or whatever makes up the concept of “meditation”. If it changes you in any way, than you are “changing” for a while, together with thoughts, actions, feelings and whatever constitutes “changing”. Meditation isn’t a “thing” that changes “you”. It’s a living process along which a lot of happenings arise and then fades away.

If “trying” is happening somewhere in this process, then so be it. There’s no one to stop it anyway. But beware of the tendency to separate “trying” from “being”.
I never tried to write this. It was written, and I was totally present when it happened. It took no effort at all. It couldn’t possibly have been any other way.

When you meditate, you are always there.
You are what’s happening all the time.
There is no separate part of that “meditation” that can fail.
It is existence doing what existence does.
That’s the Doer and it needs no to-do list.
It Is the to-Do list and everything is on it.

Just let yourself be done…


Discovering a Path To Abandon – That’s The Real Shit

In order to free yourself from your self you must give up the apperance of  a self in the first place. To do that we’re supposed to enter some kind of path towards that very end. When we enter the path, we’re stuck in the beliefe that there is actually someone, me, doing it. It has to be that way. If not we wouldn’t bother with it, right? If no one is there, who’s doing all the required practice?

The purpous of all religious or spiritual practice pointing to the supposed liberation of the true self is to deploy a cul de sac, a path which leads nowhere, a dead end. The dead end can be viewed as a symbol of how seeking, in itself, is an activity leading away from actual life. Paradoxically, it is generally seen as leading towards the much desired “real” life, the ultimate being.

From my current perspective, you are advised to stop seeking altogether. But how is this possible when there’s no one there to stop it, or so I prupouse. Well, you have to start on the wrong foot, like it or not. If there is something to give up there must first be an activity which to give up. If I don’t do anything – which is ultimately true – how can I stop doing it?
Now, assume we’re all searching for something we believe is missing, the first step towards giving up the search is the sense of being a seeker. It is when you define yourself as a “seeker” that the marketplace of spiritual practices appears with all it’s incence, bells, hymns, scriptures, vows, rituals and rules of conduct. It’s a very strange marketplace because it appears as the anti-marketplace. Still it functions as marketplaces do. There’s directors, employees, offices, offerings, merchandice and buissness per usual. There’s nothing bad or good about all that. It just is as it is and that is It.

Anyways, if you, the seeker, buys into the practice of seeking in a very structured way, you have finally something to give up. The giving up has been made possible by this dualistic construction of seeker-practice-liberation. The absurdity is that it works the other way round.
Liberation is already here, so you can drop the practice and then you can drop the seeker. Voilá, what´s left is that which Is. We end up with Everything That Is and the fact that Everything That Is equals Everything That Ever Was as well as Everything That Ever Will Be. It’s omnipresent and all inclusive. The Mother of All Inclusives.

But the way to get here is to first recognize that you are in fact seeking, and then to get there, into the dead end. Striving on the path on which the sense of self is indeed enforced you must try really, really hard. you must meditate, concentrate, jump up and down, recite sutras and sing gospels, rub your chacras, live mindfully, praise the lord and so on.
 If it happens so that the seeker knocks herself out sufficiently on this brick wall of “trying to achieve liberation”, then she might give up the practice. Then it can go either wayI suppose. As long as she doesn’t also give up the “seeker”, some kind of depression may arise. She’s stuck with a “self” that has failed it’s suicide attempt and that’s rather depressing ain’t it? On the other hand, if she drops not only the practice but also the practitioner, there is no one there to have failed. Also, there is no one there that have succeeded. Faliure and success becomes completely irrelevant, and that is maybe the taste of freedom.

What then causes the situation to go either the depressive route or the liberating route?
Well I guess ther is no one to answer that.

Shit Happens. Sometimes “good” shit. Sometimes “bad” shit. Always The Real Shit.

No Guru, No Method, No Teacher

If you’re familiar with Van Morrison you know the song. It’s about finding someone to make the connection that obsoletes instruction, explanation and understanding. It’s about having all that’s needed to do it right now. No more hows and whys.

For some reason that song came to mind on my way home from my first evening with Shambhala Training. I’ve never sat on a floor listening to a “buddhist” teacher before. I had no special expectations. It was like, well…like I’d expected. Nothing special.

yes I know that everything and every moment IS special but I’m not there yet, be patient

She talked, we listened. She asked for questions, we hesitated.
I couldn’t stand hesitating for long so I spoke, as usual. When someone says – any questions? – I instantly have at least 10, and every answer will spawn 10 more. It’s like the minds Hydra. I restrained myself to a level that parallel socially adequate but it took some effort. Nothing special.

If I sit down with a teacher there’s always the risk of an intellectual Indianapolis 500 death race. I can feel it here too. I have no idea how others prepared for this meeting. I’ve read Trungpa’s book on Shambhala Worriorship as well as Spiritual Materialism and on top of that a handful of scientific papers on meditation. Not to mention Osho Talks and loads of stuff on YouTube. I enjoy doing that. I have no TV, I hardly read newspapers and I don’t find reading novels that exciting. What’s a man supposed to do?

yes I know that hes supposed to sit his ass down and start counting. I’m working hard on my CCr, be gentle

So anyways…ehhhh, where was I…oh, right…no guru…hmmm. Maybe it’s like this; I don’t need someone explaining what this is all about. I need someone to hold me down long enough for the answers to unfold the way they should. That is, in my own body/mind as a result of practice. Maybe that’s as compilcated as it gets? Don’t even has to be a guru of any sort. Better be an intimidating knucklehead  saying – Sit down or I’ll meditated you down in this here singing bowl. I’d like one of those scary old Zen Masters who answered chatty know-it-alls with a 2×4 over the head. Maybe not, but you get the picture.
Of course loving kindness would do the job even better, but the loving kind is usually prone to give in to talking, even if it’s rather mindless.

Ol’ Chögyam TR wouldn’t have bought that and hopefully any teacher I get to know won’t either. Ours for tonight, the wonderful Beate, told this story (in short here):
A hot-headed drugdealer and pimp went to see CTR in Boulder. He’d heard about this crazy Tibetan Guru and wanted to have a piece of the Buddas mojo too. So he got his appointment and found CTR on a throne, sitting quietly smiling. The Yahoo sat down and started speaking, but got no response. His frustration grew because he was not used to this ignorance. So he continued talking, faster and louder to evoke some reaction. CTR just sat there and took it all in without commenting on the drugdealers monolouge. After 15 minutest he gently approached the blabbermouth, looked sincerely into his eyes and said;

– Welcome to Boulder…Asshole.