Sum Ergo Sum

What is “All This” ?

I’m not sure what to meditate on. A word that constantly shows up in talks and texts about buddhism is ” s i m p l i c t y “. That’s excellent. I want simplicity. A good place to start would be to simply meditate. Easier said than done if you ask me. There is a vast array of meditations to choose from.

– Count your breathing
– Focus on compassion
– Be mindful of whatever comes to mind
– Acknowledge all bodily sensations
– Follow your breath as it travels through your body
– Plant your focus four fingers below your bellybutton
– And so on

Everyone of them is of course essential according to whoever wrote about it. One thing is for sure. Trying to do all of them will further confusion. If I keep on wobbling I can declare myself the new Confusious. So what technique to start with?
I dunno!
I must choose without knowing.
Shit, that’s hard.
I have some difficulty just counting breaths because it bores me to hell and back. I can make it easier by raising the bar a bit. Instead of counting 1-10 on breathing in (or out), I can make up a trickier sequence like
1-2-1-2-3-1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4-5…10-9-10-9-8-10-9-8-7… etc
that keeps my mind from wandering since I’ll have to store the “turning number” while keeping count. If I only do simple sequence there’s room for a lot of divergent thought between numbers. And I still can stick to the right order and reverse on 1 and 10. Doing that for 15 minutes is not so hard but I feel it misses the point somewhat. Another chatter-ish variant is to go;
1-I just did one and on the next inhale I’ll do two but not yet because I’m only on one. Yessir, one it is but here it comes. Airs almost out and then comes the next inhale and then it’s two. Here we go-2-Fine, that was two and…
That is also keeping track of breathing. That is also having your head filled with constant chatter.

I’ve done the others as well. For 20 minutes each. Now and then. Is there one exclusively on Patience?

Now you may ask “What is all this”?

“What is all this” is what’s popping up spontaneously if I don’t try to do anything. Not always and not solely, but often enough to make an impression. It’s like a koan of sorts. Maybe it is one of the basic koans?
What is all this?
I kinda like it like that.
What is all this?
When you start a practice and the first thing you do is to something that is not in any beginners guide to that practice, that should be a neon sign saying “Stop It”. Who am I to ignore every advice and instruction given in a tradition more than 4000 years old? How utterly and completely stupid is that? Making up a phony koan for yourself when you can’t even do basic breath counting properly? Take your Ritalin and go play computer games you fool. I can hear Gandalf on the last one; You Fool!

Well then, Q:What Is All This? A:This is the where your CCr-alert says – Go Sit!


Let me put it this way:

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